okay, so to continue putting the pieces from yesterday's post let me first say that i tried, to no motherfucking avail, to force the dream to play out and show me what came after the ever so pleasant tummy chewing that i previously described. it seems that my brain is leaking as little information as possible, taking the political approach it seems. damn that noise, damn it indeed.
this is my fictional romance, a great gatsby dream sequence, styled toward this made-up love affair that haunts me like an angry spirit. so tonight i will recap the prequel portion with a soundtrack that captivates me in so many ways: physically, mentally, sexually & creatively. dax, send me some magic love, send me some soul for this little adventure of keystrokes. alright, so the lead in looks a little like this...
multi-colored autumn leaves dazzle the entire field of my vision, oranges-red-yellows-browns, all slow dancing to a waltz that is beyond my ears. if beauty could kill you, this fall would be the greatest un-named assassin the world would never have the pleasure to tell others about. their ballroom is every street i walk down, every alley i find myself taking pictures in, their ballroom is neverending yet always full to capacity. today the breeze is sweetly caressing these haggard cheekbones and forehead. softly seductive and ever teasing my laugh lines into display, surely i love to be taunted by these gusts. fall has fallen, just like i have, ever so much over what seems like forever. an eternity in several weeks, a lifetime in no time at all.
cobblestones have led me to the river's bank, the spot of summer that is now long left to the sweetest sliver of chilled air currents. i raise my camera up to focus on the usual lone fisherman on his shitty boat, casting lines to fill his stomach at least today. some asshole is in my way, some ignorant beast wants to ruin my shot. this beast, as it were, is crouched down knotting laces in it's weathered chucks, low top chucks no less. i slip in a small chuckle and snap the shot anyway, a picture today is better than no picture at all. it stands, turns, takes notice of me standing stupidly with two handfuls of camera and starts laughing like a headcase. i can feel the red flush my face, the breeze becomes obsolete against my new found thermal climb. it approaches slowly, sizing me up like a predator to prey, taking in the bounty my guts will be for it's pride. the heat is climbing higher and higher inside of me, i know this figure, this beast. i have been infatuated and struck dumb by it several times before today. my dirty secret, my crush. hold back the garbage bag of words, don't you dare spew anything from your face.
"you know, you have to stop popping up like this. if i didn't know any better i would swear that you have me low-jacked."
it speaks to me like we're old friends, like we know each other. i've seen this beast at a distance, noticed it noticing me. i noticed back. i blushed for no reason, like some damned fool in middle school, getting giddy for no good reason other than the fact that this beast was enigmatic to me. today is the day i suppose, at least the weather is my saving grace, it has cooled my face back to it's natural tone of "blends in well with crowds".
"i saw you at the farmers' market wednesday afternoon, it seems you're terrible at waving back with that second set of eyes clogging up your hands. give it a rest already or at the very least get a neckstrap, saves time, trust me."
i just kind of nod, taking in it's rather worn leather jacket, boot-cut charcoal jeans, slayer shirt and triple toned knotted bun of hair. i think right about now i've been caught in a parallel dimension, stuck motionless, drinking in the absolute beauty of it's sheer existence. i nod again, it eyes me strangely and chuckles then turns and heads for the steps leading up to the parking lot. a single pause of movement and an explosion of a siren song from it's throat:
"okay, well just don't be late to the show. i'll be near the merch tables, trust me you won't be able to miss me, i'm going with a poison green theme up top this time. you know i've had it out for you for so long that i think you could take me in 10 minutes if you try, see you then, okay gilligan?"
another spellbound nod, another slightly frozen jerk of my head joint. i took it all in and fell to the sandy plain of existence i hoped was reality and not some sick sad, torturous dream. tonight: the show, poison green theme, merch tables. got it. the rush of blood flooded my head again, the swirling leaves foxtrot around my feet, up my legs and torso then cascade into the now darkening sky above, so this is what it feels like to be struck by lightening. next time it will kill me, i know it will.
in an instant i'm re-capping the camera, trotting up the steps into the parking lot and i head toward 5th street, just past there my cluttered and well shared apartment. my dirty secret has a voice and a fucked up sense of humor telling me to come to the show tonight. i can't help but feel like this is a joke that i'm the punch-line to. every foot step sends more leaves flying into the air, decorations for the moment i've been shit-wrecked nervour about since the first time i saw the delightful beast. a crush, a fleeting-giggling-ridiculous like for someone i don't even remotely know. fuck it, its only a crush, right? oh damn, i can't stop smiling, i look like an idiot, i am an idiot, i'm the one who blends in not stands out. things change.
the night sky meets the streets that are now filled with obsidian remnants of those wonderful leaves from before, no more colors can be seen, just undertones of deeper and deeper blacks-blues-greys. if being a lush for loving the simple lack of technicolor is a crime then throw the switch. this darkness that now climbs my running legs, is guiding me to my beast, evolving my desire to be on time into a sex crime doing somersaults in the lawns i speed past. if i make this mad dash alive i can fall over on the curb and bleed out of all my pores just because. i think this crush is killing me as i see the lights of the city streets where the fun starts and lives end.
the opening band is mid set when i make it to the top of the steps inside the show. they suck, i know their bassist and he's a serial douchebag. the green halo's of my eyes dart around the bar, past the groupie cunts to the merch tables. looks like a stood up kind of night, no surprise: plenty of feeling stupid though, both of these i'm quite used to by now. screw it, i'll enjoy the next band up, i shot their pictures for the netpage. luckily this wasn't at an art gallery or a resturant, that would be just like last time. it's simple: i'm easy to toy with, simply put. douche-boy's band is loading out when it hits like a sonic boom:
"good, you're here gilligan. dig the poison theme? thirsty? i'll get you a drink, PBR okay?"
i swear i melted into a puddle of human nerdgasm. i try to pull it together and end up with my tell-tale nod. fucking shit, i really have to fix that zombified nod. i know that wasn't just a single question. so now i like the 4 toned green hair dyed to perfection, i am indeed thirsty and yes i'll have a PBR. she's back in no time double fisted with sweaty cans of cheap beer. holy shit, i'm not really a drinker. it's the perfect day, drink up dumb ass you've earned it. the can clears my throat and chest of anything i ever thought i wanted to have inside my body. it takes everything left inside me to keep the smiling to a minimum, this crushing is crushing me. someone save me from myself.
"hey, the rest of these bands can eat it, want to ditch this and go roaming? come on, it'll be more exciting than a pointy stick in the eye, i promise."
without a reaction she grips my free hand and drags me back into the delicious night air and straight up 18th street toward the trendy spots and horrid low-rent places just beyond the last of the functioning street lights.
AGAIN, DVD ON SKIP. i keep gettting chunks of this story-dream-romance-fantasy-fucked up head trip. tomorrow night i'll drop the ending to this whole thing. i woke up from this part today with the scent of pumpkin spice everywhere around me. weird. slightly sexy but very weird considering i'm the only one who digs that scent here.
so until tomorrow night, i bid you all i wonderful sunrise soon enough.
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