hello again word junkies.
yes, i know i asked for your readership and then fucked off for almost a full month. yes, i should be pouring out a great apology and such...but i won't...shit happens, especially in pants.
okay then.
for the past month i've been lazily procrastinating about and doing things other than blogging and whatnot.
obviousness made clear, i know.
in those days i did manage to do some cleaning up about the dwelling and found a treasure trove of crazy shit, the kind of stuff that made my jaw drop and cause me to exclaim, "holy fuck biscuits, i totally forgot about this!!" in this pirate-esque, sunken treasure chest of goodies were several thigns that got my writing sense about about me as well as filled my blackened heart with joy. some of the goodies include:
obviousness made clear, i know.
in those days i did manage to do some cleaning up about the dwelling and found a treasure trove of crazy shit, the kind of stuff that made my jaw drop and cause me to exclaim, "holy fuck biscuits, i totally forgot about this!!" in this pirate-esque, sunken treasure chest of goodies were several thigns that got my writing sense about about me as well as filled my blackened heart with joy. some of the goodies include:
the Misfits box-set
(4 Cd's of horro-punk goodness, complete with 2 pins: Fiend Club & Lime Green Logo)
the Cannibal Corpse: 15 Year Killing Spree box-set
(also, 4 Cd's of death metal goodness, complete with "Unleashing The Bloodthirsty" comic book)
a Slipknot notebook, given to me by a high school friend (Tabitha) with a bright green note card taped to the inside that told me the notebook in question was to keep me grounded while letting my writing voice explore the world.
...and the most fucked up, yet pleasingly funny goodie...
a Journeys bag full of high school love notes and letters
(i don't even think i need an explanation for this one...a grab bag of "what the fuck?!")
so, i'm going to be outlining some the "Best Of..." letters and people wrote these delightful pieces of high school literary bliss. first, let me kind of explain a little of what may have made these letters and notes possible.
it is still unclear to me why i attracted, for the most part, high-school damaged goods. yes, i said it, damaged goods. i mean that in the best possible way, truly the nicest way. i know that a vast majority of the girls/women in american have daddy issues, but did i have to be the magnet for them 98% of the time?! i mean, seriously, what made me the "self-doubting, over-active vaginal opening, daddy issue chick" magnet?
in those days i was much nicer than i am now, as now i am about as nice as flesh eating bacteria. sure, i smiled a lot and joked with almost everyone. yes, i had a chipper demeanor and the ability to cheerfully light up a room with positive randomness and witty commentary. taking all of that into account, was it really enough to be the driving force behind my high school lust/love affairs being centered around the same girls, who grew up into women, that invest more into psychological pharmaceuticals than our entire nation invests into the "No Child Left Behind" initiative?
was my being "nice", "adorable", "funny" and "a sweetheart" enough of a reason why every nutjob with a vagina wanted to be my "girlfriend" or "hook-up" with me?
ah yes, now you can see why i am now the resident asshole on duty: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
now, let me outline a few of these "love seekers" and some of their written commentary.
Megan:
this one in particular, after investigating her notes, was destined to be pushed away by me for a very obvious reason: she talked too much about sex.
(wait, hold on: did a guy just say a female talked too much about sex?! come again sir?)
yes indeed. i'm all for having a full fledge relationship and involving sex in that relationship but i can't stand when the sex talking starts not even a full month after the dating process starts. call me crazy if you must, but it's not the first thign that comes to mind...my overall sanity and the length of the relationship are the top topics for me. sure, she was a delightful and bubbly young lady with a great smile, sparkling eyes and a nice rack. she was also an artist and intelligent as well. she had everything going for her until every not she passed me was dripping with vaginal urgency. here are some IN CONTEXT quotes from her letters:
December 4th
"God, I don't want you to think I'm a hornball or anything, but I'm so very, very, very, very sexually frustrated right now. I take it you can sense that. It's very obvious. So in the mornings from now on, we must do something. I can't take it anymore. We're gonna hafta ditch Matt just one time so i can impregnate you."
"I need some action so bad. I hope you have enough will power to go w/o ass for awhile. I made myself a moral promise to wait w/ you. I just hope I have enough will power. I'm at such a vulnerable state, so be good!"
December 5th
"I'm sittin' here in study hall talkin' to Petra a/b good fuckin' places around here. I'm not worried a/b sex so much, but I would like to fool around w/ you. I need something to release all this tension I have built up in my loins. I'll die if you don't do something to me. You wouldn't believe my fantasies I have before i go to sleep. I'm probably not gonna shuttup a/b this 'til you gimme some."
Date Unknown
"I haven't had sex in 8 months! I'd creme my pants if someone touched me! My insides are screamin' for dick! In other words, I need a screw."
for only 3 notes, thats a whole lot of talking about sex. i hate hearing the same song more than once an hour. so to hear about the same topic over and over and over it's like being repeatedly subjected to "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" every 10 minutes. irritation at its finest.
Wynn:
she was genuinely a sweet girl. her smile was big and her eyes lit up like fireworks. her personality was great, a little twisted and super hyper, which was awesome to me. sure, she was frisky, but it became more clear how frisky she was the longer i knew her and the more notes i got from her. she had the same problem with talking about sex like it was meth. also, she was overly spewing compliments which always alerts me to danger. trying too hard, to me, is like changing your name to Timothy McVeigh.
(Danger Will Robinson, Danger!)
i wasn't slinging dick like Spider-Man, so i don't understand why it was like this with two different girls from high school. it must have been because i ran into her at the state fair one year and rode a mechanical bull while she watched. so sexy, right? i didn't think so, but she did. from that weekend on she nick-named me "Cowboy". she was a sweet girl but i wasn't about to try and fulfill her sweet-tooth, and thus, i also pushed her away.
October 15th
"Guess what babe? I want your body and why r u so sexy? U don't think you are but u really r. So stop saying your not."
October 16th
"I am soooo mad at u I want u sooo bad and thats not kewl."
"Guess what? I'm going to hurt u when I get my hands on u!"
"Man I'm going to fuck the hell out of you and thats the truth."
October 17th
"I'm going 2 hurt u n a good way."
October 19th
"I want 2 have sex with u really bad, I don't know why I just do."
that was 5 notes in 4 days and each one had some expressed urge to get into my pants. thats too much, just too damn much talk about something all in the same one week period. again, it was overkill and annoying. so sue me, i don't need to hear about it constantly.
the beauty part about this next set is who they come from. if you keep up with this blog, or you know me personally, then you know who "She Who Shall Not Be Named" really is.
"Cross Sectional Sofa" ringing a bell? anyone?
how about "the gay joke psycho bitch"?
there you go!
well, for the sake of least confusion, i'm going to name her "Lawrie" and here is her set.
Lawrie:
she had a big heart and a beaming smile, a personality that was excited and cheery. she was a thesbian and her passions included: movies, music, positive conversation and day-dreaming. the thing that bored me, and eventually woke me up about her, was her sense of reality fading into some alternate universe where she lived in a sit-com or a romantic comedy. i'm not sure, even to this day, if she was ever completely there. it was delightfully refreshing at first to see those child like expressions and to hear her speak like the world was a Wonderland, that is until i realized that she thought her delusions were indeed the reality the rest of us knew. she also was entirely too dramatic, even for an aspiring actress, not to mention, couldn't trust her own instincts or take a joke.
sad, but oh so true.
November 26th
"I think I'm dying!! *looks all pitiful* Everything is spinning and stuff."
January 30th
"So, I had some more ideas which I'm sure you caught on to. To & From school is always an option and I can always drop you off at the bus stop."
"I need some pictures of us together. I have pics of you & I individually *falls asleep* dreams about white sheets & blood & candle-light."
(i never gave her pictures of me...so how the fuck did that last part even come about?!)
Date Unknown
"Last time I saw you, we were just split in two.
You were looking at me, I was looking at you
You were strangely familiar but I could not recognize
You had blood on your face, I had blood in my eyes
But the pain in your heart was the pain down in mine
We called it love
That's the origin of love"
"Isn't that the sweetest thing you ever heard?"
as you can see, between being overly exposed to yapping about vaginal urges and some creepy spaced out hopeless romantic, i've had my fair share of "WTF?!?!" instances. it was fun to read them and see the crazy shit that should've dawned on me long, long ago.
i am a happier, more sinister, less heart-felt, perpetual asshole because of it all. i hope you enjoi'd all of those weird quotations from the "Ghosts Of Ex-Love Notes Passed".
Omg'ing Over Your High School Handwriting,
Dax. I. Rose
in those days i was much nicer than i am now, as now i am about as nice as flesh eating bacteria. sure, i smiled a lot and joked with almost everyone. yes, i had a chipper demeanor and the ability to cheerfully light up a room with positive randomness and witty commentary. taking all of that into account, was it really enough to be the driving force behind my high school lust/love affairs being centered around the same girls, who grew up into women, that invest more into psychological pharmaceuticals than our entire nation invests into the "No Child Left Behind" initiative?
was my being "nice", "adorable", "funny" and "a sweetheart" enough of a reason why every nutjob with a vagina wanted to be my "girlfriend" or "hook-up" with me?
ah yes, now you can see why i am now the resident asshole on duty: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
now, let me outline a few of these "love seekers" and some of their written commentary.
Megan:
this one in particular, after investigating her notes, was destined to be pushed away by me for a very obvious reason: she talked too much about sex.
(wait, hold on: did a guy just say a female talked too much about sex?! come again sir?)
yes indeed. i'm all for having a full fledge relationship and involving sex in that relationship but i can't stand when the sex talking starts not even a full month after the dating process starts. call me crazy if you must, but it's not the first thign that comes to mind...my overall sanity and the length of the relationship are the top topics for me. sure, she was a delightful and bubbly young lady with a great smile, sparkling eyes and a nice rack. she was also an artist and intelligent as well. she had everything going for her until every not she passed me was dripping with vaginal urgency. here are some IN CONTEXT quotes from her letters:
December 4th
"God, I don't want you to think I'm a hornball or anything, but I'm so very, very, very, very sexually frustrated right now. I take it you can sense that. It's very obvious. So in the mornings from now on, we must do something. I can't take it anymore. We're gonna hafta ditch Matt just one time so i can impregnate you."
"I need some action so bad. I hope you have enough will power to go w/o ass for awhile. I made myself a moral promise to wait w/ you. I just hope I have enough will power. I'm at such a vulnerable state, so be good!"
December 5th
"I'm sittin' here in study hall talkin' to Petra a/b good fuckin' places around here. I'm not worried a/b sex so much, but I would like to fool around w/ you. I need something to release all this tension I have built up in my loins. I'll die if you don't do something to me. You wouldn't believe my fantasies I have before i go to sleep. I'm probably not gonna shuttup a/b this 'til you gimme some."
Date Unknown
"I haven't had sex in 8 months! I'd creme my pants if someone touched me! My insides are screamin' for dick! In other words, I need a screw."
for only 3 notes, thats a whole lot of talking about sex. i hate hearing the same song more than once an hour. so to hear about the same topic over and over and over it's like being repeatedly subjected to "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" every 10 minutes. irritation at its finest.
Wynn:
she was genuinely a sweet girl. her smile was big and her eyes lit up like fireworks. her personality was great, a little twisted and super hyper, which was awesome to me. sure, she was frisky, but it became more clear how frisky she was the longer i knew her and the more notes i got from her. she had the same problem with talking about sex like it was meth. also, she was overly spewing compliments which always alerts me to danger. trying too hard, to me, is like changing your name to Timothy McVeigh.
(Danger Will Robinson, Danger!)
i wasn't slinging dick like Spider-Man, so i don't understand why it was like this with two different girls from high school. it must have been because i ran into her at the state fair one year and rode a mechanical bull while she watched. so sexy, right? i didn't think so, but she did. from that weekend on she nick-named me "Cowboy". she was a sweet girl but i wasn't about to try and fulfill her sweet-tooth, and thus, i also pushed her away.
October 15th
"Guess what babe? I want your body and why r u so sexy? U don't think you are but u really r. So stop saying your not."
October 16th
"I am soooo mad at u I want u sooo bad and thats not kewl."
"Guess what? I'm going to hurt u when I get my hands on u!"
"Man I'm going to fuck the hell out of you and thats the truth."
October 17th
"I'm going 2 hurt u n a good way."
October 19th
"I want 2 have sex with u really bad, I don't know why I just do."
that was 5 notes in 4 days and each one had some expressed urge to get into my pants. thats too much, just too damn much talk about something all in the same one week period. again, it was overkill and annoying. so sue me, i don't need to hear about it constantly.
the beauty part about this next set is who they come from. if you keep up with this blog, or you know me personally, then you know who "She Who Shall Not Be Named" really is.
"Cross Sectional Sofa" ringing a bell? anyone?
how about "the gay joke psycho bitch"?
there you go!
well, for the sake of least confusion, i'm going to name her "Lawrie" and here is her set.
Lawrie:
she had a big heart and a beaming smile, a personality that was excited and cheery. she was a thesbian and her passions included: movies, music, positive conversation and day-dreaming. the thing that bored me, and eventually woke me up about her, was her sense of reality fading into some alternate universe where she lived in a sit-com or a romantic comedy. i'm not sure, even to this day, if she was ever completely there. it was delightfully refreshing at first to see those child like expressions and to hear her speak like the world was a Wonderland, that is until i realized that she thought her delusions were indeed the reality the rest of us knew. she also was entirely too dramatic, even for an aspiring actress, not to mention, couldn't trust her own instincts or take a joke.
sad, but oh so true.
November 26th
"I think I'm dying!! *looks all pitiful* Everything is spinning and stuff."
January 30th
"So, I had some more ideas which I'm sure you caught on to. To & From school is always an option and I can always drop you off at the bus stop."
"I need some pictures of us together. I have pics of you & I individually *falls asleep* dreams about white sheets & blood & candle-light."
(i never gave her pictures of me...so how the fuck did that last part even come about?!)
Date Unknown
"Last time I saw you, we were just split in two.
You were looking at me, I was looking at you
You were strangely familiar but I could not recognize
You had blood on your face, I had blood in my eyes
But the pain in your heart was the pain down in mine
We called it love
That's the origin of love"
"Isn't that the sweetest thing you ever heard?"
as you can see, between being overly exposed to yapping about vaginal urges and some creepy spaced out hopeless romantic, i've had my fair share of "WTF?!?!" instances. it was fun to read them and see the crazy shit that should've dawned on me long, long ago.
i am a happier, more sinister, less heart-felt, perpetual asshole because of it all. i hope you enjoi'd all of those weird quotations from the "Ghosts Of Ex-Love Notes Passed".
Omg'ing Over Your High School Handwriting,
Dax. I. Rose
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