Ahh, Autumn: The Season of Brew-tality

wordius junki-us, welcome back to the slums of literacy.

this is the time of year that just "does it" for me.

(wow, i wasn't aware of the magnitude of your seasonal sexuality, but continue)

yes indeed, autumn is THAT season for me. the cooling air, the dying trees skeeting their dead leaves onto the streets and yards, pumpkin spice candles and latte's, the subtle reminder that christians can steal anything and trademark it to be "less heathenly". oh, the simple joys of autumn.

with all of that spiffy and delightful ridiculousness comes the bitter cold of winter just around the corner. it's a sick, sad twist to the whole fall thing, but fuck it: nothing is forever these days. also, there are several things i long for, or things that i think should happen, before the year comes to an end and the Mayans return: pissed off like a motherfucker and looking for vengence.

A Few Favorite, Random and Rude Things:

#1. i would like to see a giant s'more materialize, lure in heavy-set gluttons from all walks of life and make a final stand against all those ignorant bastards who know they have diabetes, yet refuse to be proactive because "there aren't any definate signs presenting themselves". the sugary goodness of fate, amputating your limbs, is another sign of the Apocolypse to come.

#2. a certain somone, without whom none of this would be nearly as funny, should be awoken by the lights of dawn peeking in past the mini-blinds only to discover the floors drenched in piss and blood. the amonia stench and crimson squishery of the carpets will prolong the secondary discovery of numerous, miniature decapitated jesus' clawing their way out of her uterus and climbing down her legs, all the while screaming out of their bleedy neck stumps:
"we represent the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild".

(a million lords a'screamin', a vag thats steady bleedin', 5! more heavy flow days!)

#3. a herd (yes, a herd) of barely legal, midget porn-stars: riding miniture clydesdales (2 bodies per pony) into a large church while proclaiming that they are INDEED the "Four Horsemen of The Apocolypse" and demand to see the most powerful wizard in OZ, (i.e.: Jesus), so that they can sit down and have Young Republican styled talks about the "outcome of souls now that there are BOTH a geo-political and economic crisis" currently wrecking the world....like a fat dick in a tight pussy.

#4. a 12 pack of "Sam Adams: Oktoberfest" in my possession ASAP.

(this one is more likely to happen than all the rest, so someone, make this happen)

#5. less halloween costumes made for children that are clearly geared toward adults. add to that, less costumes made for adults that are clearly made from the same amount of material that the childrens' costumes are made of.

(you're not supposed to taunt the rapists, it makes them MORE violent)

#6. the masses begin to understand the difference between "the belief in god" and "the belief in the belief in god". it makes sense if you're willing to understand the concept and come to grips with it. otherwise, you're going to continue to plague yourself with useless bullshit that:

has not

is not

and will not

come to fruition, no matter how fucking delusional you are. no amount of paxil, prozac or xanax will make your unicorn speckled, daydream dogma a reality.

that is my little list of "Yes, Please's!" that i psychoticly look forward to every year, around this time, in the wonderful land of Autumn. enjoi the evening word junkies.

Fall-ing For The Winter of Your Eyes,

Dax.