Massive Side Note (Date My Friend)

Massive Side Note:

thanks to the wonderful information given to me by a dear and close friend (which i will be sharing shortly) who is also a bastard swine, i felt the need to push this agenda to the masses. he is in a bit of a weird situation at the current moment. i got several text messages from the above mentioned friend that he has a double eye-crush* and i am here to help solve the problem. so tonight i will explain his mass explosions of text (not entirely verbatim) which will then be a perfect set-up for my view of the decline of romance and chivalry in tomorrow night's post. let's get on with it then.

* eye-crush - (n.) a crush on a person(s) that is based solely on physical appearences, without any further information on the person(s) attitude, character traits, personality or values.

now, don't get things twisted honeycomb, my sweetheart of a friend isn't some pompously shallow guy who looks only at the physical attributes of potential matches, quite the opposite actually. this is probably why he is best described as a hopeless romantic: hopeless in the sense that he hasn't found a lasting love yet and romantic in the sense that he still holds his southern values near & dear despite his continuous heart-breaks and rugged city exterior. now i will expand on the double trouble (women he is eye-crushing upon), his attributes (none physical) and a small amount of his view on romance & chivalry.

let me first describe the two eye-crushes as per the information i was given (his words, not mine, swine):

eye-crush #1.

"she is so adorable, i swear, she's pocket sized and absolutely adorable!"

"she has beautiful, long, strawberry blonde-ish hair that's ponytailed."

"a smile that can melt titanium."

(he blushes) "her legs are well built, because i guess, she has played a sport or two."

(this guy needs some deeper info to go with this description, i've seen 1,000 women like that.)

eye-crush #2.

"she's like the portrait of a goddess."

"her hair is raven black and wavy, like a historic vixen."

"she's about my height (5'10) and altheticly built."

"omg, she has a beautiful voice, a siren song even!"

(really man? could you be any more vague about her?! again, 1,000 others just the same.)

okay, now that the two eye-crushes have been remotely identified physically, i'm sure that you would now like some definition of the crushee, right? maybe? well, i've known him for about a decade and (we almost had a thing once, he just had an experimental moment...after which he knew guys just weren't for him.)

eye-crushee:

he is great with people (after all he still has Lego's, everyone loves Lego's).

he is well read on several subjects and enjoys knowledge.

his sense of humor is intelligent (sometimes crass) and unending.

his heart is huge and is geared toward helping strangers (slightly dangerous but commendable).

he can admit when he's wrong and is the first to say it (what a pansy, lolz).

beautiful women make him nervous, stupid nervous.

etc., etc., etc., etc.

so, here's what he has to say about romance & chivalry, most of which i agree with and will be plugging into my post tomorrow. these are his actual quotes, thoughts & life lessons.

"you don't always have to be chivalrous and romantic at the same time, but it does help a lot."

"romance isn't dead, despite what you've heard, it's just hidden in a few old fashioned hearts."

"much like romance, chivalry, isn't dead it's been lost in translation and Rosetta Stone hasn't caught up."

"every woman deserves romance & chivalry, no matter what."

"being a gentlemen doesn't make you a pussy, ask a woman, you'll see it's true."

"sex isn't romance but romance can lead to sex, sometimes."

"the true american gentlemen are diamonds in the rough, not the portraits in galleries."

"every woman is beautiful in her own way and someone should tell them that, regularly."

so eye-crushes, because i'm sure you read this blog, you have seen him (in all reality) more times than you can count and let him slip through your fingers. shame on you, shame indeed. i would just like you to know that this guys has worked hard all his life to make others happy and gone out of his way to be a delight. while he has had his spiteful moments (as many of us do) they don't come close to the good things he has done. if i had to describe his dating past it would be like this:

"he has dated enough 0's and 1's that his dating resume looks like binary code."

so when you see him, just smile & wave. also, if you feel the need to get a conversation out of him or a smile, just ask him about his Hello Kitty tattoo.

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