skinny: the kind that think because their pants are on the low-end, divisible by 2 they are some how sexy and should be treated as such. WRONG: you're built like an asian boy and that should be punished with extra servings of Taco Bell and PURE BUTTER, melted and funneled into your tummy box.
over-weight: this kind either eat too much because of multiple rejections or eat too much to bypass rejection and skip straight to depression. yes, some have SERIOUS gland problems and some ARE FUCKING LAZY, you be the judge of the situation.
faux-hood: also known as a HOOD BOOGER because this type sticks to anything and everything deemed "gangsta", "hood" & "urban". these ridiculous broads hastily conclude that because they spew out a black baby they are now an honorary black person. wrong trick, you're wrong.
faux-asian: this variety study too much,party too little and play head games with suitors until the day comes where some brave rapist drops Ketamine into their Sleepy Time Tea, after which, that Kung Pow Hymen goes Ha-Do-Ken right out the window.
hollywood: the fake & bake, root touch-up, twitter styled vocalizers who wear too much britaney spears perfume in order to cover the every growing stench of unwashed vaginal discharge that still clings to their legs. we call these girls "the next big thing" or "bonus scene".
boot camp: watch your ass fellas! these aren't what you're thinking; this type has a girlfriend who's dick is much larger/multi-colored/battery operated and deadlier than your dick. rest assured, this girl will lure you into a dorm room where her partener will be waiting to show you her "chauvanist pig...in a blanket".
as i said there are countless variations and combinations of white girls. have you ever played any form of Alchemy? yeah? it's like that except worse because these people exist and unfortunately murder & assisted suicide are both crimes. i think stupidity is a crime, then again, thats only me....right?
okay. now for the main event: the 2 VERY DANGEROUS WHITE GIRLS categories as chosen by me.
(any and all complaints and suggestions for a change in these can be submitted to no one. F-Y-L...2 times.)
keep in mind the following have been observed by me personally, either up close or from afar. i went the steve irwin path and gathered as much information as i could before i attempted to pounce on the targets in question. unlike steve irwin, i took precautionary measures, not to be staked like a vampire by a creature that packs a sharp object (either connected to their body or carried as a form of protection).
CATEGORY #1. THE DUMB SMART-ASS
(Deeper Than A Kiddie Pool, Shallow Enough To Drown In A Teaspoon)
this type is best described as the sentence above, but for the sake of "what does that mean" i shall expand upon this a little more. she's cute, she's adorable, HOWEVER, she isn't going to be the next top model or miss america, because we all know the Q & A section of that is to keep women from going absolutely ballistic and rioting...the truth hurts. along with that she comes factory with a low amount of intelligence (most of which is book smarts, no complaints here) but lacks a great deal of common knowledge and street smarts.
she can be found shopping gagues at hot topic early in the day, before the trendy fucks come pouring in like a heavy-flow day, with their parents' credit cards and hard earned cash. after that you will spy her in a book store (or two) searching for Kafka-Mass Philosophy-Medical Training-Paranormal books. this is followed by either a job/classes/coffee shop on her way to the afore mentioned places. her demeanor is calm, cool & collected aside from this she looks forward to mild to medium partying or maybe some dating.
her "moody-brooding-dark" facade cloaks the valley cunt that she truely is. another high end twat slumming it so that her caste is well hidden from the simple guy she longs to decimate. she will turn you upside down, inside out or backwards with psycho-babble and useless trivia and knowledge that would get the average person cock-punched like a Mormon selling Tupperware. her endless yapping about things she considers "left field", "pre-mainstream" and "obscure" she longs to be seen as Daria but in the end looks more like Clarrisa: explaining it all for a few seasons then gets cancelled before the ratings go into the red. she will make you wish for "buy a bullet and rent a gun" day. her heart has been crushed before, much like the rest of us, and to ensure it doesn't happen easily again or ever again, she will talk you into a coma and hope you're still paying attention. if you make it past her disertation on life she will more than likely be your girlfriend soon and if you don't choke her the two of you will hump like meth-heads in a condom commercial.
after this shared moment of genital high-fives you will learn very quickly that she is much like you: already bored, ready to go through the motions with another guy, as soon as she can find a way to seem less robotic and more like the hormonal wreck she wishes she could be. her tools include; random crying with no tears, bi-polar outbreaks in the food court, ignoring the world during crime shows, suggesting CD's you absolutely hate & finally just cheating on you. sadly enough, the surgeon general still hasn't deemed her actions a health hazard like second-hand smoke or drinking while pregnant.
CATEGORY #2. THE INTELLIGENT CERVICAL NIGHTMARE
(When The Abyssal Mind Meets The Sumit of Slutiness)
her type is three things combined to irritate the fuck out of anyone: sheer beauty, absolute intelligence & a total lack of the concept "true love/true romance". you can spot her from a mile away, walking confidently with the air of "yes, i'm mouth-watering and i can read in two or more languages". i admit, this is the subject of many erections for me. intelligence does it for me every time. i like looks, much like any swinging dick, but a truely well-read woman gives me goosebumps-makes me lightheaded-boils my juices. this category of female isn't for the bottom feeding, jizz splashing, frat bastards of the world. nope, scratch that. this woman eats those guys alive and shits out handicapped people. a singular phrase comes to mind: SEXY NURSE. just because you're not a doctor doesn't mean you can't do his job, it only means his kinko's printed degree looks better with a "world's best dad" mug his secretly gay son bought him.
a female of this caliber can out think you before you know she's even there. she has you figured out no matter what you're wearing, where you're hanging out (because she is a social ninja), what you're doing OR EVEN how you're attempting to be something you're not. her senses are sharper than any weapon you've ever used on WOW/Call Of Duty/Bushido Blade. all you see is a bombshell that you would like to plow like so many untouched fields. her sexy is deadly, it reaches out and fills your joe boxers with dude caulk. you swear when you see her that you've NEVER seen ANYONE sexier, she is the hottest-most smoking-aboslutely perfect specimen of erotic goodness there ever was/is/will be. so, you have to go try your hand at the goddess, the siren who sang a song of "come tear these clothes off me, throw me into anything and fuck me so hard you break my pelvis". so you do and you happen to be like the sperm that makes it to the egg.
good work. now down at the bottom where it says "the deceased", sign there. you're a corpse, a soon to be cadaver of copulation. you play the role of the testosterone man-beast, put on your best shade of suave and proceed to act as her ticket to bliss. she PERMITS you to play her vag like Bon Jovi plays ANYWHERE. sold the fuck out and rocking every single fucking time. then after a week or so of constant lap-rocketing you ACTUALLY become bored (at least for the time being) with the physical part of all of this. your mind wanders to her words, her book shelves, her cd collection and that when it kicks the taint right off your body: HOLY SHIT THE SEX GODDESS IS ALBERT EINSTEIN'S SLUTTY, SUPER SMART SISTER!! now you know see the perfect woman, the golden chalice, holy grail of the female world: the insanely intelligent sexy woman of your dreams. it's better than the lotto!
wrong again dude piston, you've been played. the smarts are real, the sexy is something completely different. while she SEEMS sexy and beautiful and down right perfect, she is indeed a succubus feeding off of you in order to replenish her so-called gorgeousness. a disguise that hides the damaged goods under the surface. this type has problems with TRUE CONNECTION. while she may secretly long to be happily ever after with one of the poor fools she has suckered (no pun intended) into being her fall back plan when she fails herself. there is sad, lonesome, never to be understood little girl in the depths of this all consuming blackness of a "person". what started out as awesome ended in some BIZARRE, FUCKED UP TRAGEDY!!!
do yourself a HUGE favor: find a way to embody her words & intellect...then WRECK THAT MOTHERFUCKER LIKE A STOLEN CAR!!! you would be best just reading a shitload of classic literature then masturbating franticly like a crackhead.
this has been your PSA About White Girls. thanks.
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