So, as we all know I wrote up a little PSA about white girls, touching on a few of the varieties. If you've forgotten view the following For Reference.
As I'm sure we all know, it isn't my style to be tactful or care if someone gets offended. Point blank, offensive language and behavior is my forte...(no, not the near microscopic KIA car).
One of the people who reads this, at least semi-regularly, asked me this question: "Well, what kind of white girl am I?"
She set herself up to be eaten alive by the wild, ferocious animal, that is Americanus Sarcastia Misanthropus. For those not fluent in ridiculous asshole, that is my rude and down right cruel bloggification styling (to put it "Dubbayly..ly").
It went well, as i shut her the fuck up after ultimately telling her "we don't have to be enemies, but we can not be friends, at least right now, as NO ONE looks good in "holding my breath" blue. I will be quasi-chaotic neutral in shielding her full name from the public, as it is better to anti-promote someone by never using their name. Dehumanize them, then become them.
Here are her test results:
To Whom It May Concern,
It seems you signed up for the official "What Kind Of White Girl Am I?" test results to be sent to your email. To verify, your first and middle name are as follows:
A**** *****e
If this is not you, please discard this email.
What Kind Of White Girl Am I?
Calculated She-Guy
"It's Always The Idea That Counts?"
This white girl is how she sounds. She is, indeed-alee-doo, a man chick. She thinks of men like cuts of meat, not just for sex but for entertainment at large. This breed of cream cheese broadness is playing chess with the guys in her life, moving them in and out of direct conflict with each other, to see which one wants to act "chivalrous" enough to eventually be dropped by her, due to her lack of interest at absolute conquest.
Have you heard the age old addage of "It's the thought that counts"? You have? Good!
With this white girl it is ONLY the thought that counts. You can do everything right, everything wrong, everything half-assed OR nothing at all, and when you get close enough she begins to regret choosing you as her rook. The fact that you actually WANT her, want to be with her, will cause her to become immediately (and drasticly) far less interested in you than before. Yes, thats right: just when you think it's over and you've proven your worth (which you may have), you will left alone while she, The Calculated She-Guy, goes roaming for some other stooge who will rinse and repeat everything you just did. Twice.
So, in conclusion, The Calculated She-Guy is a white girl who acts like a preppy rich boy who toys with the less attractive girls for some stupid high-school bet. Interested in you for what seems like love, but will eventually manifest as for fun or for kicks. Yes, she will be just like the female version of that guy from the movie "She's All That".
Freddie Prince Junior: eat your heart out. You've never done it this well, even in your wildest dreams.
It seems you signed up for the official "What Kind Of White Girl Am I?" test results to be sent to your email. To verify, your first and middle name are as follows:
A**** *****e
If this is not you, please discard this email.
What Kind Of White Girl Am I?
Calculated She-Guy
"It's Always The Idea That Counts?"
This white girl is how she sounds. She is, indeed-alee-doo, a man chick. She thinks of men like cuts of meat, not just for sex but for entertainment at large. This breed of cream cheese broadness is playing chess with the guys in her life, moving them in and out of direct conflict with each other, to see which one wants to act "chivalrous" enough to eventually be dropped by her, due to her lack of interest at absolute conquest.
Have you heard the age old addage of "It's the thought that counts"? You have? Good!
With this white girl it is ONLY the thought that counts. You can do everything right, everything wrong, everything half-assed OR nothing at all, and when you get close enough she begins to regret choosing you as her rook. The fact that you actually WANT her, want to be with her, will cause her to become immediately (and drasticly) far less interested in you than before. Yes, thats right: just when you think it's over and you've proven your worth (which you may have), you will left alone while she, The Calculated She-Guy, goes roaming for some other stooge who will rinse and repeat everything you just did. Twice.
So, in conclusion, The Calculated She-Guy is a white girl who acts like a preppy rich boy who toys with the less attractive girls for some stupid high-school bet. Interested in you for what seems like love, but will eventually manifest as for fun or for kicks. Yes, she will be just like the female version of that guy from the movie "She's All That".
Freddie Prince Junior: eat your heart out. You've never done it this well, even in your wildest dreams.
Now, we have exchanged a few emails since the original results were sent. She claims, as most people would, "I've changed, you should get to know me now".
Fuck that. You're a mega-douche, and a lying fucktard.
Get bent.
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