so that last post was kind of fucked up, right? i'm so happy you agree. what spawned that whole hot mess of textual activity is this:
i recently made a new aquaintence and she wanted to get a little background on why i am the way that i am:
an asshole
hateful
spiteful
misanthropic
vulgar
cruel
pessimistic
well, as i am fairly open with strangers, as you would know if you have read "Strange Days" already, i felt it would be a good idea to spill out a summarized chronicle of four events (there is another but that is a too much) that helped to sculpt me into the vile plague writer that you have witnessed here.
would you like to see this email? would you like to be in "the circle" as it were?
yes? really? seriously, you want to know? fine, be warned: this is all true to life.
Prologue To "Strange Days":
i saw the first therapist at age 6. my mom thought there might be something wrong because i wasn't "making friends" and i often played by myself and ignored much of the world. simply put she thought i was autistic. this was not the case. so we went to the "shrink duo" and they asked us each questions seperately, thinking that my mom was molesting me or covering up molestation: luckily this also was not the case. i was just not into being friendly with other kids because i was an only child and i liked it that way. these people told my mom that "i should be allowed to do as i please" because "freedom would breed boredom" and that would "lead to cog-like assimilation". my mom laughed at them and we left, never to return.
i saw the first therapist at age 6. my mom thought there might be something wrong because i wasn't "making friends" and i often played by myself and ignored much of the world. simply put she thought i was autistic. this was not the case. so we went to the "shrink duo" and they asked us each questions seperately, thinking that my mom was molesting me or covering up molestation: luckily this also was not the case. i was just not into being friendly with other kids because i was an only child and i liked it that way. these people told my mom that "i should be allowed to do as i please" because "freedom would breed boredom" and that would "lead to cog-like assimilation". my mom laughed at them and we left, never to return.
at age 8 i was in elementary school and i was told i was "exceptionally bright" and i was put into a set of testing with 2 other kids from the school who were just like me in that sense. 2 of us passed with flying colors and were accepted to an "Advanced Placement" elementary school. i got the short end of the stick because the principle lied to my mom and said "there is no transportation to this school" and thus my mom passed on it because it was not do-able to get me there and herself to work on time 5 days a week. it was no big deal at the time, BUT NOW i long to find that principle and skin him alive until he begs for death, at which time i would gladly roll him in salt like a margarita glass.
age 16 was super fun. i was adopted by my step-dad and his 2 daughters were hellbent on making my life shit because i was supposedly "stealing their dad from them". i never asked for that, he just felt it was "right to adopt me if he was raising me like his own". brilliant idea, considering he didn't think that far outside of my mom's vagina. she also backed this idea, so as much as i love her: she's a fucktard too. the parents decided, again on their own, that i should see a shrink for "emotionally distraught" teens. it went swimmingly (sarcasm like a motherfucker). we talked and i kept telling him that i was "misanthropic". he asked me to define the word, which i did, after which he stared at me like i had been quoting mein kampf. his only retort was "you're exceptionally brilliant" and we jabbed about all kinds of stuff, not limited to, how many objects in his office could be used to take his life. by the way, that number was 64: including his shoe-laces and ID lanyard.
at the wise age of 18 it was my choice to leave the failed education system in search of my GED considering i was a classic case of "slipping throught the cracks". i made zero trouble and was persistant with my view that "homework was as big a bullshit play as mass religion" and my GPA was a whopping 0.042, even though my in class average was 91.7. i took the GED test (which is a 2.5 hour test) in 45 minutes: front to back and double checked for errors. the teacher was so shocked and so unable to let me leave before the timer that she kept me occupied with the SAT test and then an IQ test. keep in mind: i took only 1/3 of the classes needed to take the SAT test. i finished them both in 1 hour and 52 minutes. she called me a few months later, when she got the results back and it was determined that i somehow scored a 1450 and had an IQ of 135, which i guess are good scores, or so she said.
in closing, all of these people told me the same thing essentially: i was a brilliant and intelligent child/person who could do anything anywhere anytime and that i would be smarter than 98% of all the people i would ever encounter.
what they left out was even funnier to me:
"you're massive thought processes and abilities would alienate you from the world you lived in and cause you more trouble than if you was crippled and left to rot in a wheelchair, or on life-support".
so this is why i hate most people: they always highlight the good things when they know for a fact that all of that shit is only the silver lining to the acid rain cloud looming over us all. i was built up with hype about what i already knew, only to be blasted by almost every single peer i've ever known. they should've filled me in that being too fucking smart for your own good will only lead you to ridicule and torture by the people you wish to be friends with on a daily basis.
i hope that clears up things a bit as to why i'm such an asshole most of the time. i don't place blame on any one set of people but i would rather, like to spread it out to all the adults from my past who couldn't take the time to warn me that showing what i was made of was only going to be own demise, at least until adulthood. had i known that, i would've toned it down a bit and just been the secretly smart guy instead of the freak with the info that all the other kids hated because their parents drank too much mountain dew and fucked too many sheep in their teen years.
that is basis for the previous post. i hope you all enjoyed that "TMI" moment from yours' truely.
have the time of your life tonight, because tomorrow isn't set in stone.
Dirty Dancing With The Dead,
Dax
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