Working The Corners & Friend Story

it has become a scientific fact that i am an internet whore.

Facebook, Twitter & Blogspot have all been linked together and now the trifecta of the apocolypse is set.

aside from all of that bullshit, here's what's up....

jack. motherfucking. shit.

i have some very awesome friends that i have known for...well...over a decade and they never get old or tiresome. yes, some of them i can only take in small doses, this isn't a surprise, it's just a fact of life. so i will now blast your face sockets with a small VH1 backstory about one of these friends of mine.

Ladies & Gentlemen....Cami Saltsgaver.

(Cami is the cheesing fucker on the left by the way)

that picture is probably a few years after i met her but it tells you so much. yes, she's a platinum blonde with a cheerful disposition and dark side.

aren't they all?!

hell yeah, you are absolutely correct.

so it was early in life, by that i mean long before high school. she rode my bus, lived down the street from me and for some strange, beyond fucked-up reason, she had it out for me. it must have been my slender chick like body...svelte.

one, super fun, friday afternoon we parted ways at the mutual bus stop and i headed home. it would seem my mom, on her way home, had seen this annoyingly obnoxious blonde pisser, sitting outside of her own house on the driveway sobbing or just looking dazed as shit. mom comes in the house and wants to know the happ's about the child down the street sitting in her driveway.

i had no clue, nor did i give three squirts of duck shit, about the blonde bobble-head.

so, being the strong single mom that she was, my mom drove back down the street, told the girl to go inside her house and get some clothes because she was staying with us.

okay, let me explain the reasoning behind this little cluster-fuck, the facts discovered later on:

Cami's mom decided, out of the fucking blue while Cami was at school, that she was going out of town without her and wasn't going to fill her in either. what a delightfully simple ass-hat, yes? not much has changed, she's funny as shit, but she's not winning "mother of the year"...ever.

SO! with Cami in tow, my mom returns home and tells me, non-chalantly, that Cami will be staying the weekend with us and that i was to treat her like i would a family member and to keep my cool, even if i was annoyed by her. annoyed? monumental understatement. she slept in the guest-room, ate meals with us and OH SO LUCKILY, shadowed the dog-shit out of me at the air-show that was in town at the time. i had a migraine and she had a story about how she slept in the same house with the boy she had the hots for.

fair trade...?...not even close.

things went back to normal after that. we rode the same bus, parted ways at the bus stop, i ducked her at every turn and i was irritated by her very existance. this wasn't a big deal to her, considering all things, so she called the chase quits and we became friends, siblings if you will, and things were much more enjoyable.

Cami bleached and dyed my hair on a regular basis (superman blue).

Cami played match maker to huge failures in my love life (she meant well, they didn't).

Cami was the first person i ever told that i would eat their fetus (followed by backlash from her friend).

Cami has tagged me in so many FB pictures it's sickening (embarassing is a better word).

so this post is mainly dedicated to Cami Saltsgaver, my sister from another mister. she has come so far and been so epic that it's a wonder she is still semi-sane and alive to speak of tales that no other people can tell.

Cami Saltsgaver:

the smoking, drinking, chronicly masturbating, blonde giggle shit with a heart of gold and a the mind set of an overly eager teenage boy.

Dax.